Daisy's 3 R's
Rules without relationship
Caregivers, make it a habit to make contact with each member of your family when you get home no matter how tired you are. Give a hug. A hug is worth a hundred words. If it's unusual for you to do this, just say, "Well it's something I want to start doing." When you leave, say good-by to each person. Hug again!
I hope my comments help. I have always been gifted with children.
I'm not a doctor. So use your own judgement if you give my ideas a try. Example; TAKE THE SHARP KNIVES OUT OF THE SILVERWARE DRAWER if your toddler is helping sort spoons!
Research shows children that had jobs around the home as they grew up are the top successful and happiest adults. Teach responsibility. Even a 2 year old can sort silverware. Big spoons, small spoons. . . The younger they are the shorter their attention span is. At age 2 start with only spoons. They have to earn their way up to sorting forks LOL. Encourage them. "Wow, you did those spoons fast! If they start to get bored sort the spoons with them. After all you were going to have to do it anyway. Remember you are actually building a person as you parent them. You want to build your child up. Teach them how it feels to be good at something, being important and helpful. You don't want to teach that you do good things to get paid.
Fold washcloths, let them mix food as you cook, match up socks. As far as picking up toys they have to be taught that also. It seems simple to us. If they don't pick up toys use your hand around theirs to pick something up and walk it over to put away. "OK We will do it together." Engage your kids in the things you do around the house. They are being trained to take care of their own home someday.
Add harder chores as they get older and you don't have to help as much. But choose to spend time together even when you don't have to. Make it fun or even funny. See who can make the other one laugh the hardest while you work. Be a team.
With older kids, if they have a bad attitude about doing a chore help them. Make a joke about the sloppy job they are doing but then bring in the truth. "Oh brother I didn't know you needed glasses to see the clothes you are walking on top of." "Oh no we need to take you to the hospital because you suddenly can't walk because your tired." LOL "OK, hey you wanted all these Leggos. I'll race you to get it done! Lets do it right."
Daisy's Parenting Tips
If you weren't taught them, then look them up and give them a place in your life. There are some new ones that go along with technology. They are a good place to start for house rules.
As kids get older and more self reliant, we tend to stay busier with our own stuff and we need to try to spend time with them even if they reject us. If you have younger children also, we tend to spend so much more time with them. Teens think they can face anything usually. Hormones are changing their personalities. But they need us more than ever. You can't check out of their life, and expect them to feel like they can discuss situations that are difficult, if you quit talking daily a long time ago. Figure out when in your schedules is the best time to just go sit down in their space and ask how their day went. Do this everyday. Five minutes might be all it takes to stay connected. AND DON'T think a text is the same as looking in your kids eyes.
ALSO you are training a kid to be a happy, successful adult. So sit down with a piece of paper and think of what you do in a day and a week and what do you need to teach your teenager to do to run their lives in all aspects by the time they are 18. Emotionally they will mature in their own time. But as a parent it is our job to cover teaching all normal responsibilities so they don't fall on their face when they leave the nest. They will mess up enough without our help. Each child you have is different. Some are great at one thing and some at another. Make a plan and you will have success. Teach your kids to plan where they want their lives to go or they will wander around wasting the best years of their life. Do they know how to; Budget money, throw credit cards in the trash, get places on time, wash clothes, shop for food, cook healthy food that fuels their body for life not taste, clean floors, clean every room in a home, take care of a car engines needs, make sacrifices and not cater to their own wants but do what needs to be done when it needs to be done.
Can they tell their self NO? No, I can't buy that. No, I can't say that. No, I can't do that. Did you teach them to make good decisions? As a parent of an older teen you need to share your decision making situations with them. Start letting them see how you struggle over serious issues. It's time to learn life is not always easy or even fair. Teach them it's not what happens to you in life that is most important. But how are you going to react and what will you do. . . . . . . .
Life Saving Thoughts
If everyone is silently texting while riding in the car together, when will you speak?
As least by age 14 you should be teaching and quizzing your child on the names of roads and how to get from here to there without Googlemaps. My son, a model for a while, missed being in a paid commercial because he could not find the shoot location.
Once your teen has a car you will have much less time spent with them. Just realize this as truth. Have you prepared them? Have they shown over and over responsible decision making? Can they put their cell phone in the back seat of the car while driving without going through withdraws? If they have been on the phone every minute for the last few years while riding in the car with you this is a huge habit to break.
Break the habit not the law or life.
I pray your family has a blessed life.